My Finest Speech

Background: For me, for a long time, walking my daughter down the aisle and “giving her away” was not something I looked forward to, not because she’s my only daughter but because “giving her away” was an antiquated rite from a time when women were property, and I wanted nothing to do with that. It was a real struggle for many months. Then, one morning, I woke up and it all made sense.

Father-of-the-Bride Speech

Before I begin I just want to check something. How many of you here are fans of Battlestar Galactica? (A few Kings give a faint-hearted cheer from the peanut gallery). Oh dear. This is going to be a little harder than I thought it would be.

OK. Here goes. Repeat after me, “So say we all.”
[A little louder] “So say we all!”
[Almost shouting] “SO SAY WE ALL!”
Good. Well done. I want you all to remember that.

[Pause]

At this juncture in the narrative it is customary for the father of the bride to stand and address his adoring throng which has assembled before him and to, perhaps, say a few words about his daughter, the bride. Those of you who know the bride- I believe her name is Sarah - will know that it is very easy to say lots of nice things about her. Those of you who know the father of the bride, however, will know that it is almost impossible for him to talk about anyone else other than himself. Be that as it may, I have it on good authority that today he is going to give it his best shot.

It may surprise you to learn that for a very long time I didn’t want to walk Sarah down the aisle, and it was only quite recently, when I actually sat down and started planning this speech which, by the way, is a most daunting task for any father of the bride. I tip my hat to those who have done it already, and I send my commiserations to those for whom this speech still waits to be written. As I said, it was while I was preparing this speech that I remembered something which happened nearly thirty years ago that completely changed my mind about walking Sarah down the aisle.

You may have noticed at the beginning of the wedding ceremony that I stood for a while and spoke to them both. I wanted them to remember that moment. I wanted them to take it in. Every second of it, and to not let it pass by without requisite pause for thought. It was a significant moment.

When Sarah was born, she came out slightly blue; not like a Smurf or anything but her Apgar was a little bit low. And here we might digress for a moment and spend some time talking about one of Sarah’s highly commendable traits. With the exception of that Apgar score she got on the day she was born, I can think of no other time in Sarah’s education: primary, secondary and now tertiary for a second time, when Sarah got less than eight out of ten. She is a very smart girl. To wit: this last semester in second-year medicine she got a Dean’s Commendation. [Pause for applause]. Smart girl is Sarah. It’s in her genes. Gets them from her mother. Along with the Blakeborough stubbornness.

…and while we’re on that particular topic, the King side of the family can learn something about Rudolf. Oh, sorry, no, not that he’s stubborn or anything. No. About the medicine thing. It perplexed me that Sarah was no longer working, that she was studying at Varsity full-time and studying medicine to boot, and that Rudolf was supporting her. I asked the young man, over a braai, one afternoon, “Young man,” I said.

“My liege?” he replied. (Unexpected laughter here).

“How are you proposing to keep my daughter, Sarah, in the manner to which she has become accustomed?”

“My gracious Sire,” he said, “Forgive me. I do not understand.”

“When Anne and I first got married we needed both salaries just to put food on the table. Yet, here you are putting Sarah through medical school. How are you doing it?”

“No-no-no-no-no-no (characteristically Rudolf). It’s all going according to plan.”

“Plan?” I said. “If I may be so bold, what plan?”

“No-no-no-no-no-no. It’s an investment,” he said with great emphasis.

“How so, an investment?”

“I’m investing in Sarah for the next five years. After five years she’ll be a fully qualified doctor. I will then put her out to work, and I will retire.”

[Pause] “A very good idea. Just make sure there’s a new BMW 1200 in it for me.”

Now, let’s get back to Sarah’s birth. The nurse takes Sarah just as she’s born, this wriggling blue thing, and hands her off to me.

Oh, yes, and here’s something else you might like to know. When you meet Sarah for the first time, I don’t know what it is, but it feels like, in that instant, that you’ve known her for years. She has this amazing capacity - and I love her for it - of developing long-lasting friendships in an instant. Never has this been more true in her life than on the day she was born. The nurse who delivered Sarah, the first person in the whole world that Sarah ever met was that nurse, Sister Sharlon, and she’s here with us today. She and Sarah have been firm friends ever since. There is a quirky irony in the fact that Sarah was born without a doctor, and Sister Sharlon hadn’t delivered a baby in a long, long time. Sharlon, I’ve said this before, and I dare say it won’t be the last time, thank you for everything you did on that day. And thank you for all you have done on this day: Sharlon made all the wedding cakes. [Pause for applause].

Anyway, Sharlon hands me this wriggling, blue Avatar thing, and she also hands me an oxygen mask. True, it had been a difficult delivery and I was feeling a little faint, so I put the mask over my mouth and nose and took a couple of gulps of freshly bottled Afrox air. And then I looked down at Sarah nestling in my arm and I said, …anyone? …no? (in a Darth Vader voice), “Sarah, I am your father.” [Pause for laughter] (much less than I thought there would be). It wasn’t funny then, either. [Pause for laughter] (more than expected). Sharlon gave me a klap on my upper arm and told me to put the mask on Sarah. I did. And the most amazing thing happened. Right before my eyes very, this slightly blue little girl turned the most alluring carmine pink. I have never ever forgotten that moment. It was one of the most life-affirming events that I have ever witnessed.

Here’s the thing.

This is what dawned on me only the other day when I was preapring this speech. [Slow down for emphasis]. I realised something more significant about that event twenty-seven years ago when I held the mask over Sarah’s face: up to that moment, up to that point, Sarah had been completely dependent on her mother. But at that very moment, at that point, Sarah exercised her first act of dependence on me, her father.

You don’t have to be a rocket surgeon to join the next dot.

Walking Sarah down the aisle today was Sarah’s last act of dependence on me, her father. How could I, knowing this, now not walk her down the aisle?

[Move away from the podium]. You know what? We were all there at the wedding ceremony, were we not? We all saw them exchange their vows of marriage, did we not? Yet only one or two went into the vestry to sign the registry. Surely, we should ALL have crammed in there and signed the register for we are ALL witnesses to this happy event! I think we need to do something, now, that expresses this.

Remember ‘So Say We All’ from earlier? Well, in true Battlestar Galactica fashion, please leave your drinks where they are on the table, and please stand empty handed and turn to face the bride and groom.

Sarah and Rudolf, each and every one of us here is a witness to your marriage. Sarah and Rudolf, each and every one of us here wish you both everything of the best for your lives together. Sarah and Rudolf, each and every one of us here want for you the true happiness and the complete fulfilment that married life can bring.

So say we all!

So Say We All!

SO SAY WE ALL!