In Reply

Background: My daughter, Sarah, wrote a letter to me on her 19th birthday. This letter is lost. I imagine that she must have been thanking me for a birthday present. In her letter to me, she also thanked me for always being there for her during the difficult moments in her life. This was my reply.

Dear Sarah,

In reply to your ‘You Were There…’ letter.

I was there when you sighed with longing as you showed me your friend’s brand-new expensive motorcycle. I have always told you that true wealth is not about having money and owning things.

I was there when you got 94% (or was it 99%?) in your art exam. Well done! You were so happy and proud, as was I! I have always told you that it is art, not science, that is the bedrock of creation. I truly believe that this world needs more artists and philosophers like you, and I have always told you that despite your high marks, there is always room for improvement.

I was there when you were awarded the white full-honours braiding for your school blazer. I have always told you how important it is for awards and honours to be worn also around your heart and mind.

I was there when you cried in your bedroom when your Grandfather died. I helped you understand the ugly consequence of neglect masquerading as well-intentioned delay.

I was there when Thomasina accidentally set free your budgie Cordy — how you cried and cried — I saw his empty cage on the roof with the little door held open with a peg. I helped you understand despair and grief. You learned an adult lesson at such a young age.

I was there when you wanted to be away with friends and away from family, and I helped you understand how your growing up is also difficult for others.

I was there when you cried when Rudi broke up with you, and I helped you understand that roses and thorns go hand in hand.

I was there with you in the kitchen, covered in flour, when you learned all about baking biscuits and little cakes and playdough for Little Star Preschool.

I was there every time you did the overheads for the choir, Sunday after Sunday after Sunday. I helped you understand that responsibility can sometimes be a grind.

I was there when you made your First Holy Communion. How true that is. The whole of Heaven sang with you!

I was there when you were baptised, washed clean, and welcomed into the Family of families. Believe me when I say that everyone in Heaven danced, clapped and stomped their feet! What a morning!

I was there when you first walked.

I was there when you first spoke.

I was there when you first gasped for air.

I was there when you were given a soul, came into being, at the moment of your conception. (Yes, I also know how you don’t like talking about this!). I have always said that Creation and procreation are inseparable.

I bet you think your Dad wrote this letter.

Well, unlike your Dad, of whom you rightly said, ‘You were there…’, I was there always. I was there before you were born, before your parents were born, before your grandparents and their parents before them were born. I was there before ‘before’ was born …and I have always known you and loved you.

I am always there in your then.

I am, and will be, always there in your now.

I am always there in your to come.

I am there, for I Am.

I am there.

I Am